Into Motivation

For many new parents, it can be very difficult to comprehend the change in their lives. They may well have become accustomed to the idea of living together and operating as a cohesive partnership, but when children arrive this throws the delicate balance off course.

What may have been a perfectly happy marriage can become, rather quickly, a rocky road. Delicate adjustments are needed by both people here as they try and right the boat and this can apply whether you have had kids before, or not. Maintaining a happy and successful relationship when kids come into the equation really does require us to constantly work at our relationship with our other half.

Have a look at everything from a big perspective, especially if you begin to doubt what is happening, start to worry or even become mad. Do you feel that you cannot properly see the problem due to life’s complexity? So much is going on that it is easy for parents to become overwhelmed and not know how to cope. From an overall perspective, both now have to take on additional jobs and become multiple role players. In a situation such as this, even more pressure can arise as each person tries to concentrate on their new role, to the detriment of the other relationships. To take new parents as an example again, “mum” may become somewhat obsessed with the idea of caring for her newborn and the marriage itself may not have as much of a priority.

When mum is so absorbed with the new arrival, dad can feel as if he is completely surplus. In this situation, you might start to believe the mum is the one to look after the kids and step back. Subconsciously or otherwise, this may result in him backing away from the relationship as a whole, even though he thinks it is the right thing.

The most important thing for parents to do is to watch for warning signs and really understand their partner. Some of the symptoms include a quick temper, a feeling that one cannot cope and becoming irritable. Don’t dismiss any negative vibes such as this

as if left to fester small problems tend to grow large, ugly and hard to crack.

It is always best to sit down when the kids are asleep or in school and have a heart-to-heart conversation with each other. Quietly and calmly ask your opposite half whether you are being reasonable and expect their honest replies. Remind each other that things have changed now that you have additional family members and this is to be understood, priorities now look different.

The most important point to remember is that it will take the efforts of the team to raise the children properly and both members need to realise how much effort this will take and how it is a joint venture. Give yourselves a pat on the back and never forget that you two represent the lead team in the family!

It’s not all doom and gloom The allocation of time must be based on quality and prioritisation. Ask yourself when you last spent a weekend away together or did something fun with each other. Plan a really nice, romantic dinner and don’t forget those meaningful, romance filled surprises, from back in the day.

Mums can face a considerable challenge, especially if they are working as well and it’s useful to consult experts to help them manage the juggling act and the myriad of emotions they will face along the journey of motherhood. Generally, online life coaching focuses on real-world professional coaching, and as it is tailored toward coaching for women, it can often be a saviour when everything seems doomed.

Amanda Alexander is the Director of Coaching Mums and a widely renowned ICF-accredited coach who delivers professional coaching programmes to working moms across the globe who long for more time, balance and fulfilment in their busy lives. Download our free eBook especially for working mums with 5 easy ways to achieve balance.